Silent Suffering

As I sit here wondering how to explain just how CTE has effected my life I have to mention the fact that I am also diagnosed as Bipolar. I was given this diagnosis right at the end of my college playing days and back in 1994 bipolar was a dirty word in fact as I recall I had episodes as child one time around the age of 12, and saw a psychiatrist one time all he said was tell nobody and deal with it. So I guess it was a dirty little secret that there was something not quite right with my head but it was scary to people and I didn't want to be different and my parents did't want me labeled as such so we carried on like good soldiers do. Back then there was not all this feel good shit about being bipolar it was a bad thing and you could get locked up for it and nobody wanted that. But, eventually it caught up to me and by the age of 22 I was having full blown manic episodes that were very scary and violent at times. I was very big very strong and extremely aggressive. I had no outlet left football was over and something had to give. I have been institutionalized more times than I care to remember and going away to the mental hospital is a humbling experience too say the least.